Goat Parva Murders

This excerpt is from the book entitled The Goat Parva Murders an English Murder Mystery book set in the countryside, starring two policemen who have been working together for a few years and get along really well. There’s lots of dialogue and banter with some humour thrown in amongst the murders and suspects.

==========

The stalker trained his binoculars on the ground floor lounge window where Danica Baker-Clements could be seen in her underwear watching TV. Danica’s blonde hair tumbled over artificially brown shoulders and the rhododendron branches twitched as the binoculars moved slowly over her complete loveliness. An owl screeched in the trees behind the stalker – the bird was catching mice in Doggett’s Field near the Baker-Clements’ house and had been disturbed. The warm night air was filled with the scent of honeysuckle.

The stalker was anticipating Mrs Baker-Clements removing her clothes during the evening as was the custom on Tuesdays and so intent was he on sharing every moment with her that he failed to hear the slight footfalls behind him. Danica Baker-Clements began to unhook her bra and the stalker’s breathing increased in intensity.

As the bra fell aside the stone hit the stalker’s skull rendering him unconscious instantly. He fell forward into the bush and then slumped to the ground, his glassy eyes surveying the lounge window but this time without binoculars. The assailant picked a bloom, placed it in the stalker’s mouth, and clamped the mouth shut.

For Rosemary, thought the assailant, the fight back begins.

Two minutes later Tim Armstrong cycled down the Baker-Clements’ drive and parked his bike out of sight behind the greenhouse. He was on time. He kept to the shadows created by the strong moonlight and soon knocked on the dining room window. Mrs Baker-Clements smiled, removed her last item of clothing, and headed to the window. They were seen only by a pair of lifeless eyes.

A new virus

A chilling new warning was given on 1st March, by a man wearing a white coat and standing in a laboratory. This scientist who wishes to remain anonymous has previously proved that Global Warming is caused by hamsters.

The scientist has shown that the western world has been infected by the TP Virus, a brand new virus we have no immunity to, which has mutated from affluenza.

This virus causes people to act irrationally and infects them with a desire to stuff shopping trolleys full of rolls of white paper, take the rolls home, and then put the rolls in cupboards at their home. The sight of 480 rolls of white paper in a cupboard reduces the effect of the TP Virus and is the only known cure at this time. Attempts to infect fruit flies, mice, rats, beagles, and rabbits with the virus have met with no success.

This amazing finding has gone around the world. People’s reactions have been incredulous.

Billions of people have said “What’s toilet paper?”. A billion other people have said “What’s a toilet?” and 750,000,000 more said “What’s paper?”.

The search for a cure goes on…